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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24671281">drapetomania</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/anemo/pseuds/anemo'>anemo</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>A3! (Video Game)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Suicide Attempt</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 05:54:32</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,008</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24671281</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/anemo/pseuds/anemo</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>It's not uncommon for Chikage to leave the room in the middle of the night from time to time, given his rough past. Itaru sometimes wakes up without someone by his side, and it's enough to know what his boyfriend's been up to.</p>
<p>Recently, though… It seems he's been leaving every day of the week, and Itaru refuses to let this go.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Chigasaki Itaru/Utsuki Chikage</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>64</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>drapetomania</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>this was supposed to be a short drabble but... it ended up becoming a fic! oops.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It's not uncommon for Chikage to leave the room in the middle of the night from time to time, given his rough past. Itaru sometimes wakes up without someone by his side, and it's enough to know what his boyfriend's been up to.</p>
<p>Recently, though… It seems he's been leaving every day of the week, and Itaru refuses to let this go. Seeing that the latter never returns from his nightly trips doesn't make him feel any better, either.</p>
<p>So, on the seventh day of Chikage's nightly trips, he waits for his boyfriend to leave before he follows suit at a safe distance, hoping that his efforts would go unnoticed.</p>
<p>To his surprise, it's exactly as he wanted.</p>
<p>For a few seconds, he waits outside the doors leading to the common room, wondering if he should truly go along with whatever he's doing. The muffled crash coming from inside is the push he needs, and in a matter of seconds, he's inside; he stumbles in the darkness while making his way to the source of the noise, which happens to be the kitchen.</p>
<p>There, he sees the silhouette of none other than Chikage...</p>
<p>Chikage, who happens to be holding a pointed object.</p>
<p>Itaru opens his mouth to speak, but nothing comes out, not until he rushes towards the other, reaching out a hand to hold the hand wielding a knife.</p>
<p>"Please, just... Just put it down," he calmly says. "You're gonna hurt yourself."</p>
<p>"...I know I will," Chikage responds, lowering his arm. "And what if I do? Don't I deserve this? Everything I did… I don’t deserve this happiness. Can’t I just… run away from it all?"</p>
<p>His voice falls to a soft whisper, cracking gently as he looks away from Itaru. The knife shakes in his grasp, and after a moment of silence, it falls to the ground with a clank.</p>
<p>Itaru sees this, and takes the opportunity to pull the other close, his hands clutching at the fabric of Chikage's shirt, with his chin resting gently on his shoulder. His heart is racing, but yet, he feels a bit too relaxed... Like the severity of the situation hasn't hit him yet.</p>
<p>But… it's probably better this way.</p>
<p>“You do deserve happiness. I know you do, and I won't let you continue any of this just because of your past," Itaru whispers, his hands clutching the back of Chikage's shirt. He takes a deep breath in before continuing. “Like you told me before… This is what <em> he </em> would’ve wanted. So don’t be too hard on yourself.”</p>
<p>"...I'm dangerous, you know,” is Chikage’s response. “What if you get killed because of me?”</p>
<p>"Then that’s on me. I'll take my chances, since… it's kinda like a game, yeah?" he pauses and musters up a weak smile while pulling away to look into Chikage's eyes. "Except... without a respawn feature..."</p>
<p>"I’m trying to be serious, and here you are, trying to fool around with your little gamer jokes." Chikage yells, gripping at Itaru's shoulders. "This isn't just a joke. You know that, right?"</p>
<p>He pauses for a moment to take in a few labored breaths, fighting back the tears threatening to spill from his eyes.</p>
<p>“You’re… You're an idiot,” he mutters, struggling to make each word clear to the other. “I can’t argue with you, can I?”</p>
<p>"I know this isn’t a joke," Itaru says, pulling Chikage into an embrace once more.. "And as long as I get to be <em> your </em>idiot, I'd be more than happy to be your player two. No matter what. I don’t know what exactly happened back then, but… I’ll help you get through it.”</p>
<p>“...Together?”</p>
<p>“Mhm. <em> Together. </em>”</p>
<p>Itaru takes Chikage by the hand and gently tugs it to lead him out of the kitchen and the common room, all the way back to their dorm room.</p>
<p>"We'll clean up that mess tomorrow," he says, smiling at Chikage. "I think you need some sleep, and that's more important."</p>
<p>"Fine," Chikage sighs. “I’ll let you win this time.”</p>
<p>“Of course I win. Don’t I always?” Itaru laughs. “You should know that by now.”</p>
<p>“Tch. Don’t get too overconfident,” the latter retorts, with a faint trace of a smile on his face. “One day, I’ll beat you at one of those video games. Just you wait.”</p>
<p>Itaru scoffs in response as he opens the door to their room, and plops down on Chikage’s bed, which happens to be the lower bunk bed. He makes room and pats the empty space next to him, as an invitation.</p>
<p>“Hey. Want to be the small spoon for once? My treat.”</p>
<p>“...Yeah. I think I’d like that.”</p>
<p>“Then get over here and quit standing,” Itaru yawns out. “It’s 1 in the morning, and I’m tired.”</p>
<p>Chikage laughs and crawls into bed, pulling the comforter over his body. When he feels an arm snake around his side, he can’t help but smile at the gesture, and he brings a hand to hold Itaru’s, giving it a gentle squeeze.</p>
<p>“Sweet dreams, senpai-”</p>
<p>“I keep telling you, you don’t have to call me that here.”</p>
<p>He hears a gentle chuckle behind him before feeling himself getting pulled closer to Itaru’s chest.</p>
<p>“Fiiiine. Sweet dreams… <em> Chikage. </em>”</p>
<p>“Sleep well, Itaru.”</p>
<p>He hasn’t felt like this in a while. In the embrace of someone’s arms, mixed with a comforting feeling that can only be described as melancholic. The past continues to come back to bite at him, and despite being in Itaru’s arms, he can’t help but feel like he’ll hurt someone yet again. But Itaru’s words continue to resound in his head over and over again, telling him that it’s alright. It’s alright, because they’re next to each other.</p>
<p>And they’ll get through it together, right?</p>
<p>Of course they will. It’s comforting to think about, and for once…. Maybe he’ll consider trying to keep on living a bit longer. Not for the Organization. Not just for himself and his selfish being. He’ll keep on living for December. For August. For everyone else in Mankai.</p>
<p>….For Itaru.</p>
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